Came across an interesting quote in an article about Michel Houellebecq:
"The universe is only a furtive arrangement of elementary particles. A presage of transition to chaos. Which will carry it away in the end. The human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure "Victorian fictions." Only egotism exists." -- H.P. Lovecraft
I am struggling against this nihilist philosophy. Something in me wants to resist it. This amoral faith, which I first accepted when I was introduced to Nietzsche back in uni. Power, Knowledge and Freedom. That course changed my life. It came at a time when I had rejected Christianity, sickened by the irrational arguments of campus missionaries. These young men of God insisted that all my Buddhist relatives, despite being kind, loving people, were condemned to an eternity in hell unless they converted before dying, because all humanity is tarred by the brush of Adam and Eve's original sin. I debated with these lunchtime evangelists, and struggled against my own devotion to God, before finally rejecting the religion in which I had been raised. Original sin could not co-exist with my new-found understanding of humanism and the relativity of morality.
Freed from the peer pressures of a dogmatic religion, one can easily believe that good and evil are arbitrary, shifting values created by a fragile, fateless race. Robbed of divine predestination, life is ultimately meaningless except for what is yours in the moment. The rules of attraction. Take what you can until death or someone else takes it from you.
Yet part of me still resists, still wants to believe in a just, benevolent God, and a universe crafted with purpose and intellgence. Because if egotism and avarice is truly the way of the world, then liars and charlatans will prosper, whilst the weak and lost stand aside or get knocked down. How do I live in such a world? Even if I no longer believe in destiny or divinity, earthly injustice still makes me angry. You see, a mind freed from the Matrix must take up arms and fight for survival.
An intimate scrapbook documenting the trials and tribulations of nereis, our intrepid nematode at large (and a somewhat inconsistent blogger)
Monday, June 30, 2003
Saturday, June 28, 2003
What do I want in a relationship? For it to be real, and beautiful, and lasting.
So I'm reading about this guy, who is now living my life - sleeping with the same girl as me, sharing the same breakfast on the same couch, feeling the same love and the same happiness, enjoying the same books and cd's that I introduced her to. Now I am sure I'm not the first man to be jilted, nor the first to experience this unsettling convergence. It must have happened innumerous times throughout history. What number am I? Just 148,452,855? Yet I feel anger and pain at reading his words... it is immediate and consuming. But I check myself and ask why? Beyond envy, beyond bitter recriminations, or moral judgements, why does this upset me?
I used to be uncomfortable whenever my girlfriend wanted to borrow a CD or movie that an ex had given me or shared with me. Hermann Hesse, reflecting back on the key romances in his life, wrote about how each girl gave something only she could give. I've always felt these differences were important, otherwise why bother? I treasure each of my past relationships, and I observe those boundaries by not blurring experiences. If I had been to a special place with an ex, I would avoid taking another girl there. Like who wants to go to overseas with someone who's just been there with their ex? It's not about being first, it's about wanting to experience things on the same level. To share the same discoveries and relive the memories with the same vividness. It's these little things that build the bonds that last, that help a couple grow together, whereas walking in someone else's boots only leads to jealousy and doubt.
Next time you're snuggling up to your boy or your girl, imagine them being the exact same way with someone else. It's just wrong. In the story of your life you want to be the main character, not an understudy or stand-in for someone else. Likewise, I wouldn't like to know that my girlfriend had been the exact same way with another guy. It would cheapen our relationship. Our special experiences become just one of many... a commodity. So this is not insecurity speaking, but a desire for meaning.
It really pisses me off that J has pretty much gotten away with this betrayal. My friends are still his friends. He's happy and I'm feeling blue. I've lost a year of my life... and maybe more. I've been trying to move on, by seeing new people and throwing myself into my work, but I feel hardened and incapable of love with a capital L. D says I'm too cynical. But it's not by choice. My heart is closed... once bitten, twice shy. Sometimes I feel like walking away from all the troubles in my life. Go overseas and start a new life, start afresh. But I'm scared to leave what I know, and I find myself dependent on the same friends to lift me up and away from the downward spiral. No doubt I am stronger as an individual, having lived through this suffering, and having learned from my mistakes, but I think I preferred blissful ignorance to this bleak, unforgiving distrust. I may have gained realism but at the expense of my idealism. A year on, and it seems I'm not ready to fall in love without already anticipating, and thereby internalising, its failure. It may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And how to overcome this, I still don't know.
To move on is to accept without reacting. To react, is to not move on. Why do I find it hard to let go? To not react? Perhaps it is primal instinct… an urge to defend myself, to protect what I have cultivated and nurtured. Perhaps it’s just morality… injustice must not be ignored and unpunished. Because, if you accept injustice as the way of the world, you accept the strong taking from the weak, and discount the suffering of all those who are forced to give to an oppressor. If this be true, I will become either a nihilist or a ruthless egotist who acts with impunity because he believes it is natural to take what one can, and ignores what other people think because he believes in himself above all else.
No, despite my cynicism, I still believe in a balance between selfishness and mutual obligation. This balance underwrites humanity. For every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction. A sense of natural justice is therefore not unreasonable.
Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don't fear, things get severe for everybody, everywhere.
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems life is just a constant battle between good and evil
The situation that I'm facing, is mad amazing
To think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I'm contemplating in my bedroom pacing
Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racing
See when you're shining, some chumps will wanna dull ya
Always selfish jealous punks, will wanna pull ya
But just as you'll receive what is coming to you
Everybody else is gonna get theirs too
I ain't no saint, therefore I cannot dispute
That everyone must meet their moment of truth.
So I'm reading about this guy, who is now living my life - sleeping with the same girl as me, sharing the same breakfast on the same couch, feeling the same love and the same happiness, enjoying the same books and cd's that I introduced her to. Now I am sure I'm not the first man to be jilted, nor the first to experience this unsettling convergence. It must have happened innumerous times throughout history. What number am I? Just 148,452,855? Yet I feel anger and pain at reading his words... it is immediate and consuming. But I check myself and ask why? Beyond envy, beyond bitter recriminations, or moral judgements, why does this upset me?
I used to be uncomfortable whenever my girlfriend wanted to borrow a CD or movie that an ex had given me or shared with me. Hermann Hesse, reflecting back on the key romances in his life, wrote about how each girl gave something only she could give. I've always felt these differences were important, otherwise why bother? I treasure each of my past relationships, and I observe those boundaries by not blurring experiences. If I had been to a special place with an ex, I would avoid taking another girl there. Like who wants to go to overseas with someone who's just been there with their ex? It's not about being first, it's about wanting to experience things on the same level. To share the same discoveries and relive the memories with the same vividness. It's these little things that build the bonds that last, that help a couple grow together, whereas walking in someone else's boots only leads to jealousy and doubt.
Next time you're snuggling up to your boy or your girl, imagine them being the exact same way with someone else. It's just wrong. In the story of your life you want to be the main character, not an understudy or stand-in for someone else. Likewise, I wouldn't like to know that my girlfriend had been the exact same way with another guy. It would cheapen our relationship. Our special experiences become just one of many... a commodity. So this is not insecurity speaking, but a desire for meaning.
It really pisses me off that J has pretty much gotten away with this betrayal. My friends are still his friends. He's happy and I'm feeling blue. I've lost a year of my life... and maybe more. I've been trying to move on, by seeing new people and throwing myself into my work, but I feel hardened and incapable of love with a capital L. D says I'm too cynical. But it's not by choice. My heart is closed... once bitten, twice shy. Sometimes I feel like walking away from all the troubles in my life. Go overseas and start a new life, start afresh. But I'm scared to leave what I know, and I find myself dependent on the same friends to lift me up and away from the downward spiral. No doubt I am stronger as an individual, having lived through this suffering, and having learned from my mistakes, but I think I preferred blissful ignorance to this bleak, unforgiving distrust. I may have gained realism but at the expense of my idealism. A year on, and it seems I'm not ready to fall in love without already anticipating, and thereby internalising, its failure. It may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And how to overcome this, I still don't know.
To move on is to accept without reacting. To react, is to not move on. Why do I find it hard to let go? To not react? Perhaps it is primal instinct… an urge to defend myself, to protect what I have cultivated and nurtured. Perhaps it’s just morality… injustice must not be ignored and unpunished. Because, if you accept injustice as the way of the world, you accept the strong taking from the weak, and discount the suffering of all those who are forced to give to an oppressor. If this be true, I will become either a nihilist or a ruthless egotist who acts with impunity because he believes it is natural to take what one can, and ignores what other people think because he believes in himself above all else.
No, despite my cynicism, I still believe in a balance between selfishness and mutual obligation. This balance underwrites humanity. For every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction. A sense of natural justice is therefore not unreasonable.
Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don't fear, things get severe for everybody, everywhere.
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems life is just a constant battle between good and evil
The situation that I'm facing, is mad amazing
To think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I'm contemplating in my bedroom pacing
Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racing
See when you're shining, some chumps will wanna dull ya
Always selfish jealous punks, will wanna pull ya
But just as you'll receive what is coming to you
Everybody else is gonna get theirs too
I ain't no saint, therefore I cannot dispute
That everyone must meet their moment of truth.
Thursday, June 26, 2003
So I turned the radio on,
And this woman was singing my song:
Lover's in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
Dying since the day they were born
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown
I cannot reconcile the image of the girl I fell in love with, with the person she chose to become, and the person she chose to be with her.
I loved you gogo. I trusted you I trusted you.
But somewhere along the line you lost me, and I lost you.
Remember how you said you would always love me? And through the tears, I told you "Garbage!"
Well I accept that foolish pledge now, as the farewell from the girl I loved.
And this woman was singing my song:
Lover's in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
Dying since the day they were born
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown
I cannot reconcile the image of the girl I fell in love with, with the person she chose to become, and the person she chose to be with her.
I loved you gogo. I trusted you I trusted you.
But somewhere along the line you lost me, and I lost you.
Remember how you said you would always love me? And through the tears, I told you "Garbage!"
Well I accept that foolish pledge now, as the farewell from the girl I loved.
Friday, June 13, 2003
Friday, May 30, 2003
I've been diverting my blogging time into sorting and uploading my collection of digital photos. I initially only intended to upload a few photos from my recent birthday bash, but as I started browsing through the many folders of photos, I discovered a treasure trove of memories - memories I would hate to lose to fire, theft or hardware malfunction. So I've uploaded them onto the net for safekeeping. I guess this means my life is now pretty much an open book. Well... at least it won't be forgotten.
You see," he explained, "I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.
- Sherlock Holmes, in A Study in Scarlet
You see," he explained, "I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.
- Sherlock Holmes, in A Study in Scarlet
Sunday, May 11, 2003
The last few weeks have been amazing crazy. Usually Autumn, moving into Winter, is a sombre period of shortened days and shortened tempers. Singles get depressed that they have no one to hibernate through Winter with. Couples who met in the mating season of Spring and Summer wonder if they've lost the excitement of new love. But for the rebadged nereis, Autumn 2003 has brought night after night of drinks, dance parties, dinners and dates. Partly this was due to a rash of farewell activity ahead of YP's and EN's departures, but lately it has been thanks to D, who was so instrumental in organising the Mercedes Australian Fashion Week that nobody questioned her as she smuggled me and other unlikely fashionistas into all the exclusive shows and after-parties. Imagine moi drinking Moet from the bottle, living it up with interesting peeps from HK, Melbourne and Japan, getting no more than 4 - 6 hours of sleep each night... it's been a week of heightened living.
Work has also been exciting. My promotion has led to more meetings with clients and publishers, as well as the unusual experience of interviewing young hopefuls for the privilege of taking over my old job. Processing the hundreds of job applications has opened my eyes as to what not to do when I go for my next job. So many of the submissions were cliched or simply inappropriate. My advice is, if it's not related to the job description, leave it out! Very few employers are interested in what you do for your Church, the Army Reserve, or the plays you've performed in. And yes, driving a truck may be a skill, but it can be detrimental to your chances of scoring a computer-based office job. Being on the other side of the interview table was also an educational experience. There are candidates who lose the job from the moment they open their mouths. Others don't even have to open their mouths... one look and you can tell they're not cut out for the job. In the end, we picked a smart but totally inexperienced girl who was so excited about being offered the job she actually squealed. I will have to train and manage her, so the next few months will be an interesting experiment. Hopefully I will have moulded her into a mini-me by September, so I can finally take some leave and go overseas.
On a different note, I saw a quiet girl from work yesterday, taking part in a Brazilian Capoeira demonstration at Hyde Park. Later that night, I ran into our French intern at the DJ Krush concert. We both observed how encouraging it is to see other people from work doing exciting, unexpected stuff out of hours. It's good to know there are more than one of us leading double-lives - the quiet professionalism by day, hiding unspoken ambitions and unusual interests.
A few people have noticed that I've been doing a lot better lately. I can put this down to really simple things. Friends who care, and amazing weekends with these friends. Movies, nightclubs, house parties... I haven't written much about these things in the past, even though they've been so important to me - helping rebuild my sense of hope, my eagerness to live. I guess a party is meaningless to anyone who wasn't there... like the shallow shit I hate reading about in other people's blogs. So I record this, if only for my own sake. When I'm old and wheezy, I want to remember the high times with these special people. When I think about them, I am reminded of just how intimate and good life can be. Car pooling to parties. Drinking and dancing to RnB. Sharing stories and favourite songs. Kissing and hugging half the azns in Sydney. Late night suppers at Superbowl. Movies at Broadway the next day. I used to despise the whole azn scene and the lifestyle associated with it, but looking back, it's been incredibly good to me. I've met some wonderful people and shared the highs and lows of life with them. These relationships have become the focus of my life, instead of career or materialism. Learning from each other, leaning on each other - belonging to a tight community is empowering.
Yet I sometimes wonder how much longer this can go on. As we get older, couples start to marry and disappear from the scene. Others leave for faraway places, or stop coming out to concentrate on career and study. It seems inevitable to me that our lives will slowly become more urbane and settled over the coming years. I met two interesting Japanese thirty-somethings at the Fashion Week parties... guys who are still exploring and having fun. But they're a rare breed, and I wonder if their freedom to enjoy themselves is due to the fact that they are moneyed and single. Perhaps they are actually quite lonely and hanging out with the younger generation occasionally creates self-doubt and loathing. But no, let's be optimistic for the time being and hope that life improves with lessons learnt, and friendships gained.
Work has also been exciting. My promotion has led to more meetings with clients and publishers, as well as the unusual experience of interviewing young hopefuls for the privilege of taking over my old job. Processing the hundreds of job applications has opened my eyes as to what not to do when I go for my next job. So many of the submissions were cliched or simply inappropriate. My advice is, if it's not related to the job description, leave it out! Very few employers are interested in what you do for your Church, the Army Reserve, or the plays you've performed in. And yes, driving a truck may be a skill, but it can be detrimental to your chances of scoring a computer-based office job. Being on the other side of the interview table was also an educational experience. There are candidates who lose the job from the moment they open their mouths. Others don't even have to open their mouths... one look and you can tell they're not cut out for the job. In the end, we picked a smart but totally inexperienced girl who was so excited about being offered the job she actually squealed. I will have to train and manage her, so the next few months will be an interesting experiment. Hopefully I will have moulded her into a mini-me by September, so I can finally take some leave and go overseas.
On a different note, I saw a quiet girl from work yesterday, taking part in a Brazilian Capoeira demonstration at Hyde Park. Later that night, I ran into our French intern at the DJ Krush concert. We both observed how encouraging it is to see other people from work doing exciting, unexpected stuff out of hours. It's good to know there are more than one of us leading double-lives - the quiet professionalism by day, hiding unspoken ambitions and unusual interests.
A few people have noticed that I've been doing a lot better lately. I can put this down to really simple things. Friends who care, and amazing weekends with these friends. Movies, nightclubs, house parties... I haven't written much about these things in the past, even though they've been so important to me - helping rebuild my sense of hope, my eagerness to live. I guess a party is meaningless to anyone who wasn't there... like the shallow shit I hate reading about in other people's blogs. So I record this, if only for my own sake. When I'm old and wheezy, I want to remember the high times with these special people. When I think about them, I am reminded of just how intimate and good life can be. Car pooling to parties. Drinking and dancing to RnB. Sharing stories and favourite songs. Kissing and hugging half the azns in Sydney. Late night suppers at Superbowl. Movies at Broadway the next day. I used to despise the whole azn scene and the lifestyle associated with it, but looking back, it's been incredibly good to me. I've met some wonderful people and shared the highs and lows of life with them. These relationships have become the focus of my life, instead of career or materialism. Learning from each other, leaning on each other - belonging to a tight community is empowering.
Yet I sometimes wonder how much longer this can go on. As we get older, couples start to marry and disappear from the scene. Others leave for faraway places, or stop coming out to concentrate on career and study. It seems inevitable to me that our lives will slowly become more urbane and settled over the coming years. I met two interesting Japanese thirty-somethings at the Fashion Week parties... guys who are still exploring and having fun. But they're a rare breed, and I wonder if their freedom to enjoy themselves is due to the fact that they are moneyed and single. Perhaps they are actually quite lonely and hanging out with the younger generation occasionally creates self-doubt and loathing. But no, let's be optimistic for the time being and hope that life improves with lessons learnt, and friendships gained.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Woke up early to see EN off at the airport today. EN has been a big part of my life for the last 6 months. She has been there for me from the moment we met, always smiling, loving and generous, despite the pain of losing her younger brother to cancer. She told me once that her brother had been her closest friend in the world. Watching her deal with the grief of losing him, has helped me overcome my own depression. I find EN to be one of the most beautiful people I know. Her lightness of being has shone through the darkness of my feelings and shown me the way out. For that, I am so grateful to her.
Despite instructions not to open until the 13th of May, I read EN's birthday card on the train back into the city. The image on the front of the card brought a tear to my eye. There have been times when I wished I had it in me to be her partner and make her happy. But due to my reluctance we have always ended up being "just good friends". As we hugged at the airport, I bit my tongue to avoid saying anything that would make it harder for her to leave. EN told me she needed to go away to find herself, and leave her sadness behind. Even though I understood, I selfishly wanted her to stay. But she is on the plane to Europe now. I wish her all the happiness and adventures she deserves.
Over the past 2 years, I've lost 3 of my best friends to the exotic allure of living in London. When will they come back? None of them can say... Having spent a month backpacking around the UK, I am not particularly attracted to living in that cold and fishy country. But goddammit I miss them so! Blubber blubber~
Despite instructions not to open until the 13th of May, I read EN's birthday card on the train back into the city. The image on the front of the card brought a tear to my eye. There have been times when I wished I had it in me to be her partner and make her happy. But due to my reluctance we have always ended up being "just good friends". As we hugged at the airport, I bit my tongue to avoid saying anything that would make it harder for her to leave. EN told me she needed to go away to find herself, and leave her sadness behind. Even though I understood, I selfishly wanted her to stay. But she is on the plane to Europe now. I wish her all the happiness and adventures she deserves.
Over the past 2 years, I've lost 3 of my best friends to the exotic allure of living in London. When will they come back? None of them can say... Having spent a month backpacking around the UK, I am not particularly attracted to living in that cold and fishy country. But goddammit I miss them so! Blubber blubber~
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Hey guess who just got promoted? I have been panel-beaten and rebadged as a "Client Service Executive" ... another ridiculous advertising title if I do say so myself!
Please join me in congratulating Nereis who has been promoted to Client Service Executive within the Interactive Group. Nereis is a great asset to our group and has worked extremely hard since joining us last year, not only trafficking & managing every single Interactive campaign across Sydney & Melbourne offices, but also learning how to plan & buy online media. Nereis will be planning & buying across Toshiba, ASX, Freedom, Infogrames, EMI, Hoyts, Philips and some products within St.George.
Please join me in congratulating Nereis who has been promoted to Client Service Executive within the Interactive Group. Nereis is a great asset to our group and has worked extremely hard since joining us last year, not only trafficking & managing every single Interactive campaign across Sydney & Melbourne offices, but also learning how to plan & buy online media. Nereis will be planning & buying across Toshiba, ASX, Freedom, Infogrames, EMI, Hoyts, Philips and some products within St.George.
Monday, April 28, 2003
Car crash... it was raining cats and dogs... I overshot the underground carpark entrance in Chinatown... I needed to reverse so I could turn into the entrance... as I was reversing, vehicle #2 darted across the road from an alleyway and tried to enter the same carpark at a 90 degree angle... he hit me from my blindside, but because I was reversing at the time, it's considered my fault. Damn... there goes this week's salary!
Saturday, April 05, 2003
Falling. Falling. Bear called me on Wednesday to tell me that Leslie Cheung had committed suicide. I thought it was an April Fool's hoax but no, it's true. He jumped from the 24th floor of the Mandarin Hotel. He was one of my favourite movie stars. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all week.
What else is happening in my life? Did some good work helping Clinton shoot his dragonboat feature film. Drove out to Nth. Rocks for the fourth time and spent 3 hours in the testing lab fixing my new PC. Next time I'm sticking with Mac YP! Managed to plough through several chapters of Younghill Kang's East Goes West. My progress seems to parallel the advance of US troops in Iraq. I'm such an impatient reader these days. Cousin Jazz fell down the stairs and broke her ankle... drove her to RPA for early morning surgery. Get well soon! Grim weather everyday - overcast and chilled. I've switched to my winter quilt. It's incredible what a difference it makes. Sleep has been a blessing this week. No dreams to speak of though.
Watched several films this week. Donnie Darko, Die Another Day, Ned Kelly, Ghost World. Was impressed by Roger Avary's Rules of Attraction. Shannyn Sossamon. Evil Dawson. Bravura camera shots. Inspired moments. Scarred youth, BEE cynicism. Will have to explore this film a second time. There's something about it that resonated with me.
Currently listening to De La Soul's classic album, Stakes Is High. Old skool comfort. Can't help smiling when I hear the brakes. Let it be your anthem when you're having a ball.
What else is happening in my life? Did some good work helping Clinton shoot his dragonboat feature film. Drove out to Nth. Rocks for the fourth time and spent 3 hours in the testing lab fixing my new PC. Next time I'm sticking with Mac YP! Managed to plough through several chapters of Younghill Kang's East Goes West. My progress seems to parallel the advance of US troops in Iraq. I'm such an impatient reader these days. Cousin Jazz fell down the stairs and broke her ankle... drove her to RPA for early morning surgery. Get well soon! Grim weather everyday - overcast and chilled. I've switched to my winter quilt. It's incredible what a difference it makes. Sleep has been a blessing this week. No dreams to speak of though.
Watched several films this week. Donnie Darko, Die Another Day, Ned Kelly, Ghost World. Was impressed by Roger Avary's Rules of Attraction. Shannyn Sossamon. Evil Dawson. Bravura camera shots. Inspired moments. Scarred youth, BEE cynicism. Will have to explore this film a second time. There's something about it that resonated with me.
Currently listening to De La Soul's classic album, Stakes Is High. Old skool comfort. Can't help smiling when I hear the brakes. Let it be your anthem when you're having a ball.
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