I've been sick with a virus all week, yet I turned up for work each day, because my team had so many projects to be actioned before the office closed for the Christmas break. This little display of corporate patriotism put me in bed for the first three days of my ten day holiday. Curses! Am I stupid or what?

I went to see a doc on the weekend, hoping he could speed up the recovery, but he wouldn't sell me any drugs. He said antibiotics are useless for a viral illness, because they don't make a difference unless there's a bacterial infection as well. But he did proscribe an expensive placebo to calm my coughing... a mysterious sugar-free elixir that tastes suspiciously sweet. "It'll make you a bit shaky" the chemist warned me, "just reduce the dosage if the shakes annoy you." Actually, I'm quite enjoying the enduced twitching. My arm pulses like it has an auxillary heart all to its own. It's sorta cool, like I'm some prison psycho on the verge of going bananas.

In other news, a friend's colleague collapsed in the office last Friday. When the paramedics arrived they pronounced him dead of a heart attack. He was 28 years old.

Lying in bed for a few days gives you plenty of time to think. How am I feeling? Numb, mostly. Followed by lonely, and sad. None of which has anything to do with being sick. Life has been distant and surreal, days and weeks slip by without registering in my brain. Suddenly it's Christmas and I realise it's been almost four months since she left. Thinking like this makes me angry. It's been 4 months! Stop wallowing you sad sack of shit! Just get over her! Move on! This is the time of year to be happy! You could drop dead tomorrow! Is this how you want to spend your last day on Earth? Lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself? Get out there! Forgive and forget! That's the way!

His friends would say 'Stop whining'
They've had enough of that
His friends would say 'Stop pining'
There's other girls to look at
They've tried to set him up with Tiffany and Indigo
But there's something about Mary that they don't know.
Mary... there's just something about Mary...