In the past few days, a few friends have come forward and put their arms around me and said "Be strong, we're here for you." I've been touched by these small gestures of kindness. In my distraught state, I felt I was alone in the world. I wanted to die like a phoenix, and be reborn from the ashes. But even when I did not feel like talking, a few special people have spent time with me, and shared my grief and despair. In my weak and pathetic state, I am grateful to know that I have friends who are willing to step up to the plate and protect me. Most of all, I am relieved to hear others echo my thoughts and feelings - it means I am not going crazy.

Before last Friday, the phrases "a heavy heart, a sinking heart" were just that - words. I never understood this could be a literal state, that one's heart could indeed become too heavy, and sink until every heartbeat felt like a pain in one's chest, a hollow, sad note from an old bass drum.