Thinkin about my relationship with miumiu... it was her birthday on Saturday... I found some old letters, and a fragment of conversation on the net... a review of Luc Besson's film Joan of Arc, leftover from the toto days. God, we were so bright back then... we had so much energy and conviction we inspired others to seize life by the collar and make it their own. It feels like I've achieved little since those heady times. Besides this blog, I have little creative output to show since I finished uni. Even Miso says I was going somewhere back then, but now I seem weary of the world. A tired snail, a beaten down nail, a nowhere man... or as Molly used to tease me back in high school, "You're an abcess on the bowel of progress!"

Hg feels depressed because of a lack of meaningful relationships in his life. I have many meaningful relationships, yet I feel the same way. I can feel the rope slipping between my fingers. You have to hang on, to get to the top of the hill. A cruise liner drives thru the squalls and massive swells, steadfast and indominatible. But I'm a mere pleasure craft, sailing with the prevailing winds. When I am alone, I watch DVDs and lie in bed, listening to my Mac shuffle thru my enormous mp3 collection. Lemon Jelly, Brandy, Cibo Matto. I think about my ex-girlfriends. Do I like the choices I made? No, not anymore. Do I know what I want? Happiness... or unhappiness. The type that allows you to enjoy your suffering and die with lust. To live again in the heart of that glorious overture. Hear that sudden lift? A crescendo of joy, so loud it echoes into history.

I am Yu Law! I am nobody's bitch!