Broke up with G last night, to the sounds of the Cranberrie's No Need To Argue. So many excuses, yet I still don't understand. It just doesn't make sense. Why now? What's new? Yesterday was our 2 year anniversary, and the last night to work on my AFTRS application. She knew how important this was to me. I don't understand her timing. Did she come over to celebrate our anniversary or to carry out a pre-meditated break up? Was she hoping I could pull her back from the brink on this day of days? I was wrecked. So stressed. I tried to hold her but she turned away.

I didn't get any sleep in the end. My camera fucked up and I couldn't dump my work to VHS. Had to borrow a friend's digicam at 6am in the morning and jig work to get the tape done in time. Sent an email to everyone in the office saying I had a stomach bug, which was half-true as I felt like vomitting the entire day. I'm sure they don't believe me as it's the second day this week I've taken off to work on my application. But the deed's been done. I submitted in person and came home to shower, shave and sleep. Felt cleansed but somehow empty.

Listening to Pearl Jam now. Feeling fucked. Haven't listened to this album since '93.