I've been diverting my blogging time into sorting and uploading my collection of digital photos. I initially only intended to upload a few photos from my recent birthday bash, but as I started browsing through the many folders of photos, I discovered a treasure trove of memories - memories I would hate to lose to fire, theft or hardware malfunction. So I've uploaded them onto the net for safekeeping. I guess this means my life is now pretty much an open book. Well... at least it won't be forgotten.

You see," he explained, "I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.

- Sherlock Holmes, in A Study in Scarlet

The last few weeks have been amazing crazy. Usually Autumn, moving into Winter, is a sombre period of shortened days and shortened tempers. Singles get depressed that they have no one to hibernate through Winter with. Couples who met in the mating season of Spring and Summer wonder if they've lost the excitement of new love. But for the rebadged nereis, Autumn 2003 has brought night after night of drinks, dance parties, dinners and dates. Partly this was due to a rash of farewell activity ahead of YP's and EN's departures, but lately it has been thanks to D, who was so instrumental in organising the Mercedes Australian Fashion Week that nobody questioned her as she smuggled me and other unlikely fashionistas into all the exclusive shows and after-parties. Imagine moi drinking Moet from the bottle, living it up with interesting peeps from HK, Melbourne and Japan, getting no more than 4 - 6 hours of sleep each night... it's been a week of heightened living.

Work has also been exciting. My promotion has led to more meetings with clients and publishers, as well as the unusual experience of interviewing young hopefuls for the privilege of taking over my old job. Processing the hundreds of job applications has opened my eyes as to what not to do when I go for my next job. So many of the submissions were cliched or simply inappropriate. My advice is, if it's not related to the job description, leave it out! Very few employers are interested in what you do for your Church, the Army Reserve, or the plays you've performed in. And yes, driving a truck may be a skill, but it can be detrimental to your chances of scoring a computer-based office job. Being on the other side of the interview table was also an educational experience. There are candidates who lose the job from the moment they open their mouths. Others don't even have to open their mouths... one look and you can tell they're not cut out for the job. In the end, we picked a smart but totally inexperienced girl who was so excited about being offered the job she actually squealed. I will have to train and manage her, so the next few months will be an interesting experiment. Hopefully I will have moulded her into a mini-me by September, so I can finally take some leave and go overseas.

On a different note, I saw a quiet girl from work yesterday, taking part in a Brazilian Capoeira demonstration at Hyde Park. Later that night, I ran into our French intern at the DJ Krush concert. We both observed how encouraging it is to see other people from work doing exciting, unexpected stuff out of hours. It's good to know there are more than one of us leading double-lives - the quiet professionalism by day, hiding unspoken ambitions and unusual interests.

A few people have noticed that I've been doing a lot better lately. I can put this down to really simple things. Friends who care, and amazing weekends with these friends. Movies, nightclubs, house parties... I haven't written much about these things in the past, even though they've been so important to me - helping rebuild my sense of hope, my eagerness to live. I guess a party is meaningless to anyone who wasn't there... like the shallow shit I hate reading about in other people's blogs. So I record this, if only for my own sake. When I'm old and wheezy, I want to remember the high times with these special people. When I think about them, I am reminded of just how intimate and good life can be. Car pooling to parties. Drinking and dancing to RnB. Sharing stories and favourite songs. Kissing and hugging half the azns in Sydney. Late night suppers at Superbowl. Movies at Broadway the next day. I used to despise the whole azn scene and the lifestyle associated with it, but looking back, it's been incredibly good to me. I've met some wonderful people and shared the highs and lows of life with them. These relationships have become the focus of my life, instead of career or materialism. Learning from each other, leaning on each other - belonging to a tight community is empowering.

Yet I sometimes wonder how much longer this can go on. As we get older, couples start to marry and disappear from the scene. Others leave for faraway places, or stop coming out to concentrate on career and study. It seems inevitable to me that our lives will slowly become more urbane and settled over the coming years. I met two interesting Japanese thirty-somethings at the Fashion Week parties... guys who are still exploring and having fun. But they're a rare breed, and I wonder if their freedom to enjoy themselves is due to the fact that they are moneyed and single. Perhaps they are actually quite lonely and hanging out with the younger generation occasionally creates self-doubt and loathing. But no, let's be optimistic for the time being and hope that life improves with lessons learnt, and friendships gained.

Woke up early to see EN off at the airport today. EN has been a big part of my life for the last 6 months. She has been there for me from the moment we met, always smiling, loving and generous, despite the pain of losing her younger brother to cancer. She told me once that her brother had been her closest friend in the world. Watching her deal with the grief of losing him, has helped me overcome my own depression. I find EN to be one of the most beautiful people I know. Her lightness of being has shone through the darkness of my feelings and shown me the way out. For that, I am so grateful to her.

Despite instructions not to open until the 13th of May, I read EN's birthday card on the train back into the city. The image on the front of the card brought a tear to my eye. There have been times when I wished I had it in me to be her partner and make her happy. But due to my reluctance we have always ended up being "just good friends". As we hugged at the airport, I bit my tongue to avoid saying anything that would make it harder for her to leave. EN told me she needed to go away to find herself, and leave her sadness behind. Even though I understood, I selfishly wanted her to stay. But she is on the plane to Europe now. I wish her all the happiness and adventures she deserves.

Over the past 2 years, I've lost 3 of my best friends to the exotic allure of living in London. When will they come back? None of them can say... Having spent a month backpacking around the UK, I am not particularly attracted to living in that cold and fishy country. But goddammit I miss them so! Blubber blubber~